Weblog Wannabe

I was about to read the letters but than I realised that they might make me feel depressed and I might have had the urge to “kick the bucket” sp to speak … so I stopped. Creepy stuff.

Yeah, creepy and depressing.

I am considering suidice and have for over 20 years. Reading these letters helped me once again to realize that every decision I make impacts at least 10 people. These letters stopped me from doing it once again.

My best friend killed himself in October. I sat at the kitchen table, the night I found out, and sobbed and screamed “I’m so sorry.” into the night… I sat like that until morning.
I was so sorry that I hadn’t called him the day before he did it. I was so sorry I didn’t go to visit him when he asked… I was so sorry that I didn’t try just a little bit harder to get him some help…
But now, I am so angry. I am so very angry. I loved him so much and he chose to leave and it is the most cruel thing anyone has ever done- to me. He didn’t do this to himself, he did it to all the people who loved him. He left us here with all this sadness and all of this hurt and guilt. And it is so unfair. You are right. There are at least 10 people. Truth be told, there are probably 100’s of people who would hurt so deeply at your loss. Hundreds of people went to his funeral. Hundreds weeped then and still cry for his loss now. Please reach out if you don’t believe this or if you have a hard time believing… Allow yourself to be helped if you need help, allow yourself to be loved. And learn to love other people enough to never put them through something so incredibly selfish.