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Quacks on Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

I have found that the only way for me to get over a heartbreak is a complete cessation of contact with the breaker and some time spent completely alone to come to terms with your thoughts and feelings. After an amount of time (based on intensity and length of relationship/longing for relationship) the feelings subside. To be fully honest IMHO, there is no way to ease the pain except time, and possibly getting interested in someone else.

“You love for another person has to be bigger than your need for another person”.

Jon P! The expert in love! Long time no see! Oh, man. I wish you’d left a formula so I could figure out how long the feelings subside after two years of high-intensity longing for relationship. My guess is it takes forever *sighs*

Still lurking in the background as ever ;-), and quite definitely not an ‘expert in love’ - just calling the world as I see it currently…

Anyway, from empirical evidence (my and my close friends broken hearts and recovery times), I think in the majority of cases (>95%):

recovery time = relationship time / x

where x is between 2.5 and 4.0. So if you’ve been longing for 2 years, then you’ve got about 6-9 months of heartbrokenness… But don’t worry too much - the really unbearably bad bit should last much much less!!!

6-9 months??? Waaah!!! I don’t think I could stand feeling like this for that long :( I’d go crazy. No formula to determine how long the unbearably bad bit lasts?

I don’t know if this will help or make you feel worse… but the one that hit me the hardest was a guy I’d known for 5 years, loved for 3, and dated for 1.

For the first two and a half weeks “after,” I threw up everything I ate and lost 20 pounds, and basically was a walking puddle of tears. The next six months were really tough, but no contact really helped, because I’d freak out again every time I saw him.

Now, it’s four years later…about a year after the breakup, I remember feeling guilty because I noticed I wasn’t thinking about him every five minutes…now, I probably remember he exists about once or twice a month.

So that’s my timeline. The unbearably bad bit will last longer if you’re always in touch, keeping it fresh.

I agree that one needs to break contact completely. At some point you might resume contact, but it will certainly be a while.

I don’t really know how to ease the pain. It hurts. There is no way around that. Once, I tried running, as in exercise. It did work to an extent. There is a physiological reason for it. Exercise, in my case running, produces endorphins which make you feel good.

I think it was coincidence that I used exercise because I was going to a gym regularly then anyway. I always felt great after running for half an hour on the treadmill.

While I think that would work for most people, I think that most people, myself included, would find it hard to start an exercise program just to ease the pain of heartache.

As for healing, time heals all wounds. How much time? It depends on the situation and the person.

The last time I was heartbroken I did nothing. I mean just that. Most of my activity ceased. I stopped calling people and became reclusive, probably the worst thing one could do. I would have done better to rejoin the gym and run again, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that, so I just suffered. That’s life. Meanwhile, time went by and the pain diminished. I survived once again.

If there is any activity in which you could immerse yourself, be it writing, going out with friends, coworkers, relatives, or whatever, reading, etc, that may serve as a bit of a distraction and ease the pain a bit. I know that isn’t easy, but it is good to do (says one who didn’t take his own advice).

Things do get better.

now where do the broken hearts go? it goes nowhere, it just sink in your heart and it due time, it will dissolves into a plain fragment. but sometimes, it appears from nowhere just to remind you that your heart was once broken.

try a little booze…it helps to numb.

Nah, I don’t drink alcohol. I simply changed my bedsheet and somehow it helped me get through the unbearably bad bit :) Well, for now anyway. There’ll be a lot more unbearably bad bits to come because this is not over, but that’s another story altogether.

where do broken hearts go? well i dont know about others but yours is coming to visit me so i can look after you! :) more like you will be my indonesian house slave who slacks off spending all her time on the net…but still!
me advising you on love would be a joke, but know that its his loss and your sure to find someone who thinks your as brilliant as i do and will fall for you like a lead balloon!

Your sofabed’s better be comfortable. And hopefully you’re not on dialup anymore.

well i never folded out the bed bit but i slept on the sofa itself for a week till my room got steam cleaned! and yes - we are on dialup…
suffaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but will prolly get adsl soon! and hey - i bet my dail up is more reliable than yours!! so dont complain!

ooh - i killed your pretty layout by making a word too long! oops. my bad!

Fixed. You’re just way too excited for my layout.

Well, I’ll come visit you once you get ADSL :P Hey, I’m not going abroad just to suffer from dial-up madness! I can get that here!

haven’t visited for a while… until i decided to see how you were doing and dropped by, and much to my surprise.. we’re experiencing the same thing right now.

totally new guy, different story, same ol’ heartache. :-P

well, i’m not sure where my broken heart is going off to.. i know that it’s best to have absolutely no contact with that person but in my case, it’s impossible!!! and i mean that it’s something that i cannot control..

i know that you’re pretty bad with e-mails.. but if you want to chat.. feel free to drop me a line. ;-)

just blogging, forget your ex-lover!!!

I’ve found it is very hard to get over a broken heart.…..i still have feelings for the one and only girl i like and she hasn’t even said hi to me for a long time.…and that just makes it worse.

It’s funny. I was so strong, didn’t talk to her, but she called me few times, I answered, told my self she is just an illusion. But I saw her after a while, she gave me a hug, had few conversations, now I am back to square one. The feelings are so strong, I feel like I can’t even control myself. Sucks big time.

where do you find the strengh to cut the contact with your exboyfriend, everytime i did it, it lasted 4 days and he called me back and i didn’t have the strengh not to answer, so i end up talking to him or seeing him which kills me each time, it reminds me how much i love him and i just get back to stage 1 each time, i feel like i am a different person, i tried all the stupidest things to get him back and every time, it makes it worst, and when i ignore him, it always has a better result, what should i do? should i keep in touch with him or should i avoid any contact even on the phone?

{This discussion is closed. Thanks to all who participated.}